Portal 2 Quotes: Wheatley

Tags: Games, Portal 2, Quotes, Wheatley

Wheatley is a new personality introduced to the Portal story in Portal 2. He serves as your amiable, yet stupid guide and/or side-kick during the beginning of Portal 2. SPOILER ALERT! If you read the following quotes, you'll find out what happens to him (and you) later on in the game. The following is a list of Wheatley's quotes in Portal 2.


"Come on, you've already solved it once! Less than a minute ago, you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please. One minute ago. LESS than one minute ago, you solved this puzzle. NOW you're having problems. You just beat this test! Literally 20 seconds ago. [cough] button. [cough]utton. [cough]res the button. Alright, can't blame you for trying."

"OK! New tests... new tests... gotta be some tests around here somewhere. Ah, here we go! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand... nothing!?"

"Ooh, that felt really good!"

"Here's an idea. Since making tests is so difficult, why don't you keep solving THIS test!? Same one! And I can just... watch you solve it! Yea, that sounds much easier."

"OK, look, I've decided that I'm NOT going to kill you... ok... IF you come back... Can't help but notice that... youre not coming back. You're just dissapointing. Aww... Just thinking back to the old times... the old days when we were friends, good old friends. Not enemies! And I would say something like 'come back'! And you'd be like 'yep! no problem.' and you'd come back! What happened to those days? Do you remember when we were friends? Awww, friendship... friendly times. We used to-we had a lot of good times, remember? Back in the old days? Oh, I've got an idea! Oooo, no no no, don't do that, stand right here! Stand right here. Start the machine, start the machine start the machiiiiine... Hullo! This is the part where I kill you! Surpriiiiize! We're doing it now!"

"You've probably figured out by now, that I don't need you any more!"

"Could you just-could you just jump into that pit? There? That deadly pit? You're saying to yourself, 'why should I jump into the pit?' I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there!? Your parents! You're not adopted after all. It's your natural parents, down there in the pit. Should've mentioned it before, but I didn't. So, jump on down... and reunite... with mommy and daddy. Oh, I'll tell you what's also down there... your parents! And there's also an escape elevator... down there... funny... I should have mentioned it before, but somebody's down there... so pop down-jump down. You got your folks down there... and an escape elevator. And... what else is down there... tell you what, it's only a new jump suit! A very trendy... designer... jump from France... down there... which is exactly your size and if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you. What's this!? A lovely hand-bag!? And... the THREE portal device, also down-it's all down in there! Um... you got a yacht and... BOYS! Loads of boys! Fellas! Hunky guys down there, possibly even a boy friend! Who's to say, you're not sure at this stage."

"Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!"

"You won't believe this, I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!"

"Annnnnnnnd... THERE we go! Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless."

"Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents."

"What's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best friends are orphans... But..."

"I AM NOT! A MORON! Just... do the test! Just do the test."

"It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?"

"[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned... So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron... Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one? [GLaDOS: "Yes."] Yea, doubt it. Well, on with the tests. Wish there was more books! But there's not."

See also:
Portal 2 Quotes: GLaDOS
Portal 2 Quotes: Cave Johnson
Portal 2 Quotes: Turret 


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